2 min readJan 28, 2021

I pride myself on facing my fears. Even if I stumble, fall, break a bone, or weep; face them? I will.

I always wondered why you kept distance, was it because of conflicts of interest or did you lack interest? Was it because you’ve seen me at my worst and it was too vivid? My suppressed insecurities would suggest you may think I lack the alignment with your assessment of what you desire in a relationship’s achievement.

Frankly, I don’t get it. But it’s so easy to point fingers, isn’t it?

So, I prefer to take responsibility and say I created the conflict of interest. It was my time unfocused on you that caused you to lose interest, if it ever long existed. I can’t help if you’ve seen me at my weakest, so that isn’t really in the assessment yet there is the real possibility that I just don’t produce what you see in your visions.

And that’s okay.

But it’s important you know, anyway, that I have loved you from the beginning. From before I knew and long after I discovered it. Strangely, for no other reason other than I know I do, it became true. A circular self-fulfilling avenue and along that street is the following creed:

I’d take a bullet for you, I’d slay a dragon for you. In all certainty, I’d pass you my life-support and fall asleep content with what you decided to do.

That’s insane to most but that depends on how you host those troves and read these prose. It isn’t that I want to do any of those things, but I don’t have to decide if I would. I know, and you definitely now know, that that is how it would go.

I don’t think that’s what you are looking for, at least from me. So, with this series coming to a close, it isn’t meant to be pretty. Even now though, you can call me and I’ll be around expeditiously.

Photograph by Blvk Shots Photography. All rights reserved.

But the day life has me move, whether that be on from you, or preferably with you, the one thing I never do is turn around and restart because someone else’s regret comes due.

So, why mention fear? Because I never asked you, although I have the impression you haven’t wanted me to. If that’s untrue, if I am mistaken, I suggest that you let me know so we can start anew. Cause the current manner of this? won’t continue. And I’m not exactly holding my breath for that bill to come due.

Still, I love you. I loved you. I enjoy seeing you do you. And if that’s not with me, well, I guess that has to be fine too.

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